Take a deep breath. Or don't. We already got paid.
At Mindless Maditations, we believe mindfulness is for everyone, not just people who drink water out of a glass instead of a bottle they found under their car seat.
Our unique approach combines traditional guided meditation techniques with realistic mental health insights like:
- Most of your friends are doing better than you.
- Sometimes your “dream job” was just a LinkedIn post with weird spacing.
- And more things, including our , hidden behind our patent-pending “Wellness Paywall”
Where others offer silence and calm, we offer clarity. The kind of clarity that only comes from confronting your worst-yet-real thoughts in the dulcet tones of our Meditation Guide, a professional voice actor who’s definitely not going through something, and wants us to remind you that you can book him for work through our email portal!! He is also CPR certified!!
We don’t pretend you’ll leave every session feeling “better.” But you might feel… validated. And isn’t that what enlightenment really is?
Potentially Actual Testimonials
“I was skeptical at first, but these meditations are life-changing. Not for my life, but maybe a life?”
— Allegedly a real user, could be named Amanda
“It’s like having a life coach who’s eaten nothing but saltines and regret for three weeks.”
— Definitely not an intern
“I played this during yoga and had to leave the room. It’s not because I was upset, I just remembered I left my stove on.”
— User whose name we forgot but whose pain we honor
“These meditations helped me quit my job. Not directly because of the app, I just forgot how to get to the job, and now too much time has passed. It feels freeing. I think?”
— Verified Reviewer, legally speaking
“It’s a gritty, emotionally grounded ensemble piece that explores redemption, loyalty, and what it means to fight for something—even when you’re not sure it’s the right thing.”
— a review of Marvel’s Thunderbolts* that we are including on here because we like how it reads
One user, Alec Warner, who lives at 1255 Walnut Street in Lee’s Summit, Missouri, chose to leave the review block blank when he canceled our free trial before it automatically charged his credit card. Alec works at Bold Cellar Wines, just off Highway 291 in Lee’s Summit, as well. We’re going to follow up with him.
